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Honorable in Everything

Loving like Christ

In Ephesians 5:25, Paul instructs husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Christ was always honorable. He never did anything behind anyone’s back nor did He hide his emotions and feelings. So one way husbands can love like Christ is be honorable like Christ with their wife.

Paul wrote to the Hebrews asking them to pray for him so that he could have a clear conscious and conduct himself honorably in all things. As husband and wife, you should pray this same prayer for each other. Living honorable in all things will help protect your marriage and build the “oneness” that God intends for you to have in marriage.

Being honorable builds “oneness.”

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. — Matthew 19:6

Part of being honorable is being open and honest. Honesty builds “oneness” in a marriage that creates deeper trust and intimacy. Likewise, dishonesty can destroy a marriage and rip your relationship apart. 2 Corinthians 8:21 says, “For we aim at what is honorable not only in the Lord’s sight but also in the sight of man.” Whether we or honest or dishonest in our emotions, feelings, finances, or relationships with other people, will affect the unity of oneness that God intended for us to have in marriage. God knows when we are honest or dishonest, and often your wife knows when you are keeping things from her. Likewise, wives, your husband knows when you are keeping something from him. So aim for what is honorable both in God’s sight and in each others’.

Why men struggle with sharing emotions and feelings

Men in particular experience difficulty in sharing their deepest thoughts and emotions with their wife. They tend to want to protect them or not burden them with what’s going on in their lives. They also do not want their wife to see them as vulnerable, unsure, or struggling. Men want their wife to see them as their “hero,” protector, provider – the strong one for them to lean on. It’s built into your DNA as God designed you to be the leader of your home. But it can also bring division in your relationship of oneness when you don’t share your greatest dreams, longing, desires, passions, worries, and struggles with your wife. She doesn’t want to be an outsider in your life. She longs to be an insider.

Do you leave your spouse on the outside or invite her in?

When you don’t share these deepest emotions and struggles with your spouse, you keep them locked out of a part of your life. You rob them of the opportunity to pray for you, encourage you, and love you through whatever you are face. Husbands, you need to remember that God created your wife to be your help mate, but when you keep her locked out, she doesn’t get to be who God called her to be in your life. Wives, you need to remember that God created your husband to be your spiritual leader. His shoulders are wider and stronger than yours because God gave him the strength to be the person you lean on.

Sometimes we are guilty of sharing these deep emotions with a best friend or family member while leaving our spouse in the dark about what is going on inside of us. We need to remember that when we get married we are to leave and cleave. Leave our family and friends and cleave to our spouse. Your spouse should be the first person (after God) you go to with these deepest emotions. If your spouse is not who you share them with, why?

You don’t have to carry your burdens alone

Being open and honest with your spouse in every area will help forge bonds of oneness that leads to greater intimacy, trust, and friendship. Sharing with each other in this way has an added benefit in that you don’t have to carry your burdens and struggles alone. Yes, God has told us to cast all our cares on Him – and we should. But God also designed the marriage relationship to be one that helps and carries each other through all of life’s good and bad.

What are some things you can share with each other? Share with each other what God is teaching you, the struggles you face at work, your fears, your hopes and dreams, and the exciting things God does in your life. Tell each other about the disappointments you face. Lovingly share with each other when he or she does something that frustrates you.

Be a burden carrier

Make time on a regular basis to ask your spouse about what’s going on in his or her life. Ask them for something specific you can pray about for them. When you ask, be sure you are genuinely listening. What better way to show you spouse just how important he or she is to you than being genuinely interested in the things that matter most to them?

If you ask about your spouse’s deepest emotions from behind the newspaper or while cooking dinner, do you think they will feel like you really want to know? You’ll probably get the standard, “I’m fine” response. But if you stop the business of life, focus your attention on your spouse and take his or her hand, look them in the eye and ask, “How can I pray for you?” or “What is your greatest struggle right now in your life?” or “What is something God is showing you?” then you will open the doors for your spouse to share the deepest parts of who they are and you will be able to be a burden carrier.

Protecting their deepest emotions

Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. — Ephesians 5:4

If you want to experience the kind of oneness that being honorable and honest in all things, then you have the responsibility of protecting the deepest things your spouse shares with you. You can’t expect them to share the deepest thoughts and emotions if they expect you to laugh or make fun of them. They won’t tell you their dreams if you just knock them down. They won’t tell you when they’ve messed up if they expect you to be angry and unforgiving. Your spouse won’t share with you anything if they think you’ll run out and tell your friends, family, church family, or neighbors. You cannot live honorably in all things if you do not protect the emotions of your spouse.

Honorable in all things

Pray for us; for we are convinced that we have a clear conscience, wanting to conduct ourselves honorably in everything. — Hebrews 13:18

Living in the “oneness” that God intended in marriage allows us to live together with a clear conscience because we choose to conduct ourselves honorably in everything. If you feel like your marriage does not live up to the “oneness” that God designed for marriage, then ask yourself about how honorable you are being with your spouse. Living honorably allows for a clear conscience. Living dishonorably brings division.

#marriage #oneness #honorable #honesty

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Philemon 1:7. Joy and Encouragement in Marriage

Philemon 1:7

Joy and Encouragement in marriage

Does the love you have for each other bring joy and encouragement?

The book of Philemon is a letter that Paul wrote to a wealthy person named Philemon. While Paul was in Ephesus, Philemon heard Paul preach and became a Christian. Philemon had a slave named Onesimus who stole something of Philemon’s and ran away. He too heard Paul preached and became a Christian and then was a great help to Paul while Paul was imprisoned. The letter to Philemon was to encourage him to forgive Onesimus and receive him back not merely as a bondservant but as a “beloved brother.” Paul opens the letter telling Philemon about the joy and encouragement he brought to Paul even while Paul was in prison.

There are two key themes to the book: reconciliation and the Christian virtue of love. Paul both praises Philemon for the love he has shown to Paul and all the believers in his area, and he facilitates reconciliation between Philemon and Onesimus. Paul informs Philemon that Onesimus has been reconciled to God and his hope is that he will also be reconciled with a fellow believer.

While the story of Philemon and Onesimus can teach us much about reconciliation, I want to focus on verse 7 in Chapter 1 because there is an important lesson about love in this verse that we can apply to how we love our spouses.

How can we apply this to Christian marriage?

There is great joy in Christ-like love

Recently, we celebrated the marriage of my nephew and his bride. They were supposed to have been married back in April. However, my nephew is in the Air Force and stationed overseas. Because of COVID, the military issued “stop movement orders” and my nephew couldn’t get home. He finally got his leave approved, but he couldn’t come to the state where we live. His leaves was granted for the state just North of us. So, we went an hour north and we got those two kids married. There were hoops to jump through every time they turned around, but the look on his face as his bride entered the church made all that hoop-jumping worth it! There was great joy all over his face in that moment.

Christ-like love begins by recognizing Christ’s love for me

But for those of us who have been married for a while, we know that there comes times when marriage isn’t quite so joyful. There will be times where we hurt one another or make our spouse angry. But Christ-like love will love anyway. When I think about my own life, my sin, the times I’ve let Christ down, it amazes me that He loved me enough to endure the cross for me. But that’s is exactly how much Jesus loves me. He died for me and forgave me of my sin.

Love after the honeymoon

In the original wedding plans for my nephew he was going to have leave for a few weeks and be home a few days before the wedding and spend time with family then take his bride on an extended cruise for a honeymoon. What the military approved was only one week of leave. He was married on Saturday and left the following Thursday to return to duty while his bride remains here until all the paperwork is completed for her to join him there (which can’t be done until after they were officially married). So not only was the wedding plans quickly altered, but so was the honeymoon plans.

We all start out in the honeymoon phase where everything is “happily ever after.” But sooner or later the rose colored lenses fall off and we begin to see each other for who we really are. No matter how perfect your Mr. Right or Mrs. Wonderful is – we all have faults and flaws. And there is nothing like living together to bring them into the light! However, when we have Christ-like love for one another, we can experience joy in marriage. If you don’t feel very joyful, then consider if your love for your spouse is a Christ-like love.

No matter how perfect your Mr. Right or Mrs. Wonderful is, we all have faults & flaws. And living together to will bring them into the light! But when we have Christ-like love for one another, we can experience joy in marriage.

There is encouragement in Christ-like love

Both Onesimus and Philemon had been encouraging to Paul while he was imprisoned. As we do life together, there comes times of difficulty where we need to encourage and build each other up. Maybe its when a promotion doesn’t come through or when you feel God is answering a prayer. Maybe its when you long to begin a family, but the pregnancy doesn’t happen. Or perhaps it just when one of you have had a hard day. Whatever life throws at you, you should be each other’s greatest cheerleaders and encourage one another.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Paul wrote, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up.” In Hebrews 10, he said, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.” Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” And in 1 Peter 8-10, Paul taught, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”

When you’re in the tough.

Life is tough. But one of the gifts about marriage is having someone to do life with so that we don’t have to go through the tough alone.

Life is tough. But one of the gifts about marriage is having someone to do life with so that we don’t have to go through the tough alone. When I think about how Christ loves me, I’m aware that when I go through the tough, Christ is with me – He sees and He knows.

So if I have a Christ-like love for my spouse than I take the time to see and know when he is in the tough. I don’t just stand up on the solid ground and say, “Hey! I see you down there in the tough! You doing ok?” Rather, like Christ, I jump down into the tough with him and I help see him through it. I pray for him and I ask what I can do to help him. I look for ways to make life a little easier for him while he’s in the tough. And I cheer him on. Or sometimes I just sit in the tough with him and hold his hand until we get through it together.

When I think about how Christ loves me, I’m aware that when I go through the tough, Christ is with me – He sees and He knows. So if I have a Christ-like love for my spouse than I take the time to see and know when he is in the tough.

Bringing joy and encouragement back into love

Take some time to ask yourself the following questions: How much joy is there in my marriage? Do I encourage my spouse when he/she needs it? In what ways to do refresh his/her heart? Do you recognize when your spouse is in the tough or are you so caught up in your own difficulties that you can’t see his or hers? When your spouse is feeling down, what do you do to encourage them?

Bringing joy and encouragement back into love is possible. But it requires a Christ-like love that is unselfish and unending. It requires a Christ-like love that is willing to forgive and reconcile. And it requires a Christ-like love that builds one another up. Find a way to be an encouragement to your spouse today or a way to bring them an unexpected joy.

Based out of Day 232 of the book, “God, Love, and Marshmallow Wars”
by Julia M. Bruce


#marriage #GLMW #GodLoveandMarshmallowWars #joy #encouragment # love #WCM

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What’s Inside God, Love and Marshmallow Wars?

This book includes 365 daily activities and takes you on a guided journey through Biblical principles about Godly marriage that you can then apply to your marriage, as well as helping you talk through concepts that can help you develop a solid relationship. Inside you will find simple, quick activities that include:

  • Scripture to memorize and meditate on.
  • Conversation Starters.
  • Concepts from the Bible on Godly marriages.
  • Romance Builders.
  • Relationship Builders.
  • Personal reflections.
  • Date ideas.
  • Group date ideas for you and other Christian couples.

Available in hardback, paperback and ebook from Westbow Press Bookstore, Christian Book Distributors, Amazon, and Barnes & Nobel. Click the icons below to purchase from your preferred bookstore. Now also available at WalMart online.

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Join the community of couples on Facebook who are committed to intentionally growing their marriage and learning how to have a marriage that honors God. Here you can post photos of the different activities as you do them, ask questions of other couples, share how God is using this book to strengthen your marriage, and grow with other Christian couples. We’ll see you in the community.

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A Suitable Helper

Genesis 2 18The Bible opens up with the story of how God created the world. Each time he created something God said it was good. His ultimate work of art was when he made man in his own image. In other words, our bodies take on the image or likeness of God. He created us to have fellowship with Him. He created us to bring Him honor and glory. However, in Genesis 2:18 we see where God indicated that something was not good.

After creating man, he brought every living creature to Adam and what ever Adam chose to name it that was its name. God didn’t need help naming the animals. He had a purpose for bringing them Adam. Adam needed to understand that among everything God had created, there was not another creature like him. All the animals God had made had both a male and a female. Adam was only a male. He had no female. This is was God deemed as “not good.” His solution was to make a helper for Adam that would complement him in every way.

Ladies, that’s we are: a helper that is a complement to our husbands. God made us suitable for our husbands. We are the proper fit for him. We complete him. The idea is that we are compatible with him. In the movie, “The Holiday,” Kate Winslet plays Iris who is “in love” with a man that is not in love with her. He merely uses her. At one point in the movie she reminds him that he had described them as “a square peg in a round hole.” That is not how God created men and women. Physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, we were made to be the perfect fit to man. We are different than men, but different in a way that makes us well-suited to man. We are not less than man, nor are we better than man. We are suitable to man.

Another concept of being his suited helper is that we are to bring harmony, not discord, to the relationship. If we have a backbiting, nagging, or wagging tongue, we are not being a helper in any way. Our words should build him up, encourage him, and be respectful. We also should not undermine his authority in our homes. In other words, if he tells your teenage daughter she’s grounded, then you don’t go behind his back and allow your daughter to do that which she has been grounded from, even if you disagree with him. If do not agree with the consequences he established, then a calm and respectful conversation between the two of you (not in front of your child) can take place. However, if he does not change his mind, then your responsibility is to back him and help enforce the consequences. In previous posts we discussed that the husband’s role is to be a spiritual leader. If you undermine his authority you rob him of doing what God has called him to be in your marriage. Sweet wife, if we not take too many times of you stepping in and undermining him before he no longer even tries to be the spiritual leader in your home.

Overall, a helper’s job is to make someone else’s job easier. Let me challenge you to make a list of the ways you can be a helper to your husband. Let also challenge you to spend some time in prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to convict you of ways that you may make your husband’s life complicated or even hindering him from being the Spiritual leader he was called to be. If the Holy Spirit reveals any ways you have not been a suitable helper, confess those now and then make a game plan to change those ways so that you are your husband’s suitable helper.

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A Wife of Noble Character…who can find?

Proverbs 31 10-12If God designed the husband to be a spiritual leader in the home, then what is the God-designed role for the wife? In Proverbs 31 we find the passage of scripture that is generally referred to as “The Virtuous Woman.” Verse 10 begins the passage with a question. “Who can find a capable wife?” Take just a moment and think about how you define a capable wife. I’m reminded of an old 70s/80s commercial for Enjoli perfume where they lyrics in the jingle shows a classy, business dressed woman who can work all day, come home and fix dinner, read a story book and still be a passionate woman with her man.  Does this make her a capable wife?

When you read the verses that follow, you’ll see that this woman who is commonly referred to as the ideal, Godly woman and praised for her virtues is not the stereotypically image of a woman that is “barefoot and pregnant” at home. However, she is also not the career-driven woman. This woman that is the model for us is strong. She is multitalented. She is dignified and caring. She is not a woman that has her identity in her husband’s identity. Instead, she is her own person. In the verses we find that she has money and she makes investments. She looks after her servants and manages real estate. She is a partner with her husband who completely trusts her to see to the lands they own. She takes care of the property and the goods. She goes to the market and uses her business skills to buy and sell.

Certainly as wives and mothers today, we have responsibilities. For some it might mean working all day at home cleaning the house, doing the laundry, being the unpaid taxi driver for the kids, cooking and all the daily responsibilities of running a home. For others it might mean going to a job and putting in the hours there and still having to come home to do all the chores around the house. However, I think that keeping a clean home is only part of what makes a capable wife. So what else would make us women a capable wife?

The capable wife understands that her ability to be capable comes from God alone. If we depend on ourselves to be capable, we will fail every time. She understands that her reputation as a Christian is on line in how she behaves, the attitudes she demonstrates (even when no one is looking), and the words she speaks. Instead of behaving and speaking like the world, she demonstrates Christ-likeness with a servant’s heart, feeling blessed to be able to serve the people that God’s has entrusted to her care. The only way to accomplish this is having a daily, intimate fellowship with Christ. If she is ignoring and not having a daily time where she gets alone with God and studies His Word and talks with Him, then she is not going to have the strength to see to all her responsibilities in a way that will honor and please God.

One translation of the Bible rewords the questions to read, “A wife of noble character, who can find?” The Hebrew word is chayil and can be translated as either “noble,” or “virtuous.” In other words, she is a wife of valor. Femininity is not weak or passive. Instead, noble character has strong traits such as loyal, dependable, honest, trustworthy, dignity, compassion, wisdom. She has high moral principles. In other words, she is the opposite of the woman that strives for power and success. She doesn’t need wealth to feel accomplished. Her joy and happiness comes from leaving a Godly legacy for generations to come. Can you think of other noble character traits? Which of these traits do you have? Which ones do you need to work on? Can you identify a woman of noble character that has left a Godly legacy for you to follow? Are working to leave that kind of legacy for your daughter and granddaughters?

The capable wife is also sensitive and compassionate. In these verses the virtuous woman sees to the needs to others who are less fortunate. She is kind and generous toward them. Other ways wives can be sensitive and compassionate are recognizing when your husband is having a stressful day and be an encourager. Listen … really listen… to what is going on in his life. Then demonstrate empathy and understanding. Take his hand and pray for him. What are other ways you can show sensitivity and compassion to your husband?

The capable wife also sets to her tasks and responsibilities cheerfully and energetically. She doesn’t see these things and “have tos” that she meets with dread. She isn’t lazy and procrastinates to get the tasks done. Instead, she tackles every challenge head on. She sees her responsibilities and tasks as “get tos.” It is her ministry to her family and she understands that by serving them, she is serving God.

God placed as much responsibility on wives as he did husbands and our roles are no less important than our husbands. Many times marriages suffer when husbands and wives get hung up on what the other spouse isn’t doing in the role God have him or her. Let me challenge you, dear wife, to focus on your own “get tos.” Make a commitment to your marriage and to God that you will cheerfully serve your family regardless of what your husband does or does not do. If your husband is not fulfilling what God has called him to be in your marriage, then pray about it…but keep being the wife that God has called you to be. Keep your servant’s heart and joyfully and energetically do what God has designed for you as a wife, fully depending upon Him to accomplish his purpose through you.

 

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A Tale of Two Brains

This Youtube video is two hours and it is hilarious and worth your time. If you want to understand the differences of how men and women think and operate this is a great video. It comes from the “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” by Mark Gungor. While it’s presented in a humorous way, it is very much the way the male brain and the female brain works.