Couple Challenge: Conversation Starter

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Husbands, which of these more aptly describes the way you deal with conflict: Giving in, running away from it, or asserting your authority so that you get your way. Wives which of these is more true for the way you deal with conflict: manipulate to get your way, challenge his authority, or just go along to keep the peace? When conflict comes do either of you find yourselves saying “you always” or “you never”? These statements are usually not true, so try to avoid them. You should also focus on the one problem your dealing with and not bring up every problem that has come up since you met. Learn to work towards compromise so that the end result is “our solution” rather than his or her solution. Don’t be afraid to take a ten or fifteen minute break from each other and get alone to self-examine what attitude or beliefs might be motivating the conflict and determine the root cause. The only thing you can take ownership in is your own beliefs so don’t try guessing or assuming your spouse’s feelings on the issue. To better understand where they are coming from ask direct questions. Avoid attacking your spouse’s character and never use derogatory statements. Keep the conversation to the circumstance causing the conflict. If at all possible, follow the Biblical advice and “don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Be quick to admit wrong and forgive. Above all remember that “love keeps no record of wrongs.” At the end of the day, protect your marriage…it is much more important than coming out the winner.

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