by Julia Bruce
The book of Song of Solomon in the Bible celebrates the love of King Solomon and his bride who is referred to as the “Shulamite.” In this book, we find the excitement of courtship, the beauty of the wedding night, the sexuality of the first night, as well as a tender friendship and romance as God intended marriage to be. We get a picture of devoted love, learn that love is choice, the importance of forgiveness, and a glimpse at “oneness.”
In Song of Solomon 2:16, the Shulamite says, “My beloved is mine and I am his.” In 6:3, She says, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” Then in 7:10, she says, “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.” In these three verses we find a progression in her security within the relationship with Solomon. She begins with her possession of him as the primary of her focus. Then the phrase is turned around so that her possession of him is secondary. Finally, her possession of him is totally omitted as her security switches from her possession of him to his devoted love of her. The more secure the Shulamite became in Solomon’s love for her, she discovered it was far more wonderful for her to belong to him than for her to “have” him. (Click to tweet)
In every marriage, there are times where we need to come back to a place of remembering so that we can renew our sense of connection and oneness with each other (Click to tweet). Feelings are fickle, and thanks to Hollywood, most of us view love as an emotion or feeling, but love isn’t about “butterflies in your stomach.” In reality, love is choice (click to tweet). We make a choice in every moment to love or not to love. It’s easy to choose love when he brings flowers home or when she gives up shopping with friends to go fishing with her husband. But when one says something hurtful or when our expectations are not met or when we don’t get our way – it might be a little harder to choose love. When these negative experiences happen over and over again, eventually most couple will choose divorce rather than love.
When disagreements arise, each begin focusing on their own feelings and trying to “win” the argument. Choosing love in these moments will help the husband and wife think about the other person rather than self and begin to understand the other person’s point of view. Instead of being caught up in “winning” the argument, seek to understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings. In 1 Corinthians 13, we find that love is patient and kind. It does not envy, nor does it boast. It doesn’t act improperly and it isn’t selfish. Nor does it keep a record of wrongs. All of these are choices (Click to tweet). We can choose to patient and kind – regardless of how the other person is acting. We can choose to be jealous. We can choose to boast about how we are right and they are wrong. We choose how we act in every situation and how we react. We choose to think only about our self and our needs or we can choose to their needs first. We can choose to keep a record of every wrong and rehash them in every argument or we can choose to forgive and throw those wrongs into the “sea of forgetfulness.” Love is a choice…and so is forgiveness. Thankfully God chooses to forgive. (Click to tweet)
Not only does this verse show us that love is a choice, but it is also a description of God’s idea of oneness. The Shulamite both sensed and valued her relationship with King Solomon. A relationship that held spiritual, emotional, physical, and life connection. For her, these connections made in marriage are an instinctive need that God created within women and husbands need to understand how important these connections are to their wives. If you want her to feel loved by you and believe in your love, then these connections are vital to accomplishing that.
So on the days when your spouse is getting on your last and very thin and stretched tight nerve or he/she is hurtful in their words, or is having a moment of selfishness, or whatever might be tearing you apart, remember that love is choice and take some time to remember that Jesus chose to love and forgive you, even while you were still a sinner. Choose love.
#verseoftheday #SongofSolomon #loveisachoice #marriage #WCM
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God, Love and Marshmallow Wars: This book contains 365 daily challenges for couples to strengthen their relationships to each other and with God. Couples will complete activities such as Scripture memory, conversation starters, relationship builders, learning about Biblical marriage, romance builders, personal reflections, and date ideas. Click here to purchase your copy. (This link will open a new widow and take you to Westbow Press’ bookstore.) It is also available at Christian Book Distributors, Amazon, and Barnes & Nobel
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Julia is CEO of Wellspring Christian Ministries, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people and couples develop a passionate relationship with God. A public speaker, conference trainer, event planner, and blog writer, Julia is a two-time graduate from Grand Canyon University with a bachelor in Psychology and a masters in Professional Counseling. Saved as a child and raised in church and in a Christian home and private Christian School as a Pastor’s kid, Julia has taught Sunday school, led music, played the piano, served as Children’s Director, and engaged her gifts in many other areas of church life. Previously employed with the Florida Baptist Convention, Julia organized events and led conferences for church ministry assistants.
Julia enjoys sharing her journey as a growing Christian with others looking for a deeper connection with God. Through Bible study and her own life experiences, God has given Julia a passion to help couples understand God’s design for marriage while they learn to place God first in their marriage, cultivate meaningful relationships, build intimacy, and address the tougher issues that come in every marriage so that they can experience a marriage that honors and glorifies God. Julia also loves mentoring, teaching, and working with women to help them learn to live as Godly women.
With her history and experience growing up in both small and large churches, Julia enjoys bringing top level quality events to churches of all sizes. Her father largely pastored small churches and therefore she understands that these vital parts of the believing community need to be good stewards of the resources God provides them with. This knowledge inspires her passion for being available with a fresh perspective for those who want to provide their congregations with meaningful spiritual growth opportunities.