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Self-Care Blog Post: Part 21

part 21

“Dear friend, I pray that you may prosper in every way and be in good healthy physically just as you are spiritually.” — 3 John 1:2 (HCSB)

There is a story of a woman who was overheard saying, “Tom, stop your whining right now and get in the car or we are going to be late for church!” The response came, “But I’m too tired. I don’t want to go! They don’t even like me there!” With one hand on her hip and the other hand pointing to the car, the woman stomped her tiny foot decked out in it’s Sunday’s best heels as she said, “But you are the pastor! Get in the car!”

Overworked and underpaid. Too busy and too tired. These phrases are the mantra of people in ministry and helping professions. It just seems there is not enough time in the day or energy within our bodies to give to every need and every person that requires our attention. We open the Word of God, looking for that next message to give to His people and wonder where the excitement went that we once felt. The sad result is people God has called and set apart to serve Him are getting burned out or they experience compassion fatigue and they have nothing left to give – so they give up and walk away from the calling God has given them. When they walk away, how many people may end up dying lost and without Jesus, because the sermon that wasn’t preached or the conference session that wasn’t given, or the book wasn’t written, or the Sunday school class wasn’t taught that would have been the moment that person said yes to Jesus? Burnout and compassion fatigue not only carries a cost on those it attacks but it also has a higher cost on the people around those who suffer from it. For them, it could be an eternal cost.

The sad result is people God has called and set apart to serve Him are getting burned out or they experience compassion fatigue and they have nothing left to give – so they give up and walk away from the calling God has given them.
— click to tweet

Revitalizing your calling begins with a revival of your own heart, but also through self-care practices. When someone mentions the concept of “self-care” what do you think about? Take a moment and think about how you would answer.

Some people have a difficult time with the concept of self-care because they see it as being selfish or indulgent, particularly in a ministry or helping profession. Self-care is not wasteful spending on expensive bath products, luscious chocolates, high-end name brand clothing, and high-thread-count sheets.

Christians who struggle with the idea of self-care believe that they are called to care for others and others should come first rather than indulging self. They may look to Scriptures like Philippians 2:4 which says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others.” Or they turn in their Bibles to 1 Corinthians 10:24, which says, “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” Yes, God calls every Christian to:

  • Carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).
  • Love one another with brotherly affection (Romans 12:10)
  • Outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10)
  • Encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
  • Love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31)
  • Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another (Ephesians 4:32)

The reality, however, is that we cannot meet all these characteristics of caring for others day after day, again and again, if we do not take care of ourselves too. How can we be mentally, physically, and spiritually ready to take care of others if we are stressed out, burned out, and ready to walk away? Every Christian is called to care for others, but because God has called us to a ministry or helping profession, we bare more of this responsibility and it can take its toll.

Is Self-Care Biblical? Can we find in the Bible that practicing self-care is Biblical? Because we are created by his hand and we are his temple, we are to bring Him glory and God expects us to take care of ourselves. Consider the following verses:

  • Psalm 139:13-14 – “For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.”
  • Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
  • 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 – “Don’t you yourselves know that you are God’s sanctuary and that the Spirit of God lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s sanctuary, God will destroy him; for God’s sanctuary is holy, and that is what you are.
  • 1 Corinthians 10:31 – “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

Let me ask the question another way: If someone asked you, “Do you take care of yourself?” what would your response be? You might say that you try to eat healthy, exercise, shower daily, brush your teeth, get an annual physical, and get enough sleep. If you were thinking spiritually, you might also add that you read your Bible and spend time in prayer every day and attend church every Sunday. Are there other things you do to take care of yourself? If so, what are they?

All of these things are ways we take care of ourselves, but as the infomercials say, “But wait! There’s more!” In a nutshell, self-care is any deliberate action we take to help maintain a healthy spiritual, sensory, emotional, physical, and social well-being. It’s about being as kind to yourself as you would be to others. It’s knowing when your resources are running low and taking time to step back to replenish them rather than to keep on giving of yourself until you have nothing left to give. It is making a daily, active choice to engage in self-care practices that will help you maintain an optimal level of empathy, energy, and servant’s heart to keep on keeping on in your ministry field.

Self-care is any deliberate action we take to help maintain a healthy spiritual, sensory, emotional, physical, and social well-being. It’s knowing when your resources are running low & taking time to replenish them. — click to tweet

Good self-care is the key to improving and revitalizing the ministries to which God has called us. By practicing self-care, we can improve our mood, reduce stress and anxiety, and either avoid burnout and/or compassion fatigue or find recovery so that we can continue doing the ministry to which God has called us.

Practicing self-care does not mean that we will never feel stress. Rather its about keeping ourselves at the “top of our game,” always ready to serve when God places another person in our path that he wants us to minister to. Self-care allows us to better manage the stress, trauma, and demands that caring for others brings.

Since God created us, He understands the limitations of our human bodies and minds. The prophet, Isaiah, wrote, “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail” (Isaiah 58:11). Paul wrote in Hebrews 4:9-11, “So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.” Each one of us needs rest from time to time. When we find ourselves in a season of “scorched places” we need to take time to step aside and be replenished and then our ministries will become well-watered once again. By continually practicing self-care, we can be like that spring whose waters do not fail. Our bodies often tell us when we reach this place of “scorchness” but if we are listening to the Holy Spirit, he will guide us and let us know that it’s time we practice self-care before our bodies experience the result of stress and the physical ailments that stress brings.

Paul told Timothy not to neglect the gift he had been given (1 Timothy 4:14-15). God does not want you to neglect your gift either. When burnout and/or compassion fatigue strikes, the result is neglecting the gift and calling that God has given you. If your doctor tells you to not neglect your health, what he is telling you is to take better care of yourself. God wants us to take better care of the gifts and callings He has given each one of us. Just as caring for our bodies requires discipline to do the hard and sometimes even boring things that are good for us, so does practicing self-care for our spiritual, sensory, emotional, physical, and social selves.

If we are to not neglect the gifts and calling God has given us, then we also need to see that self-care is not something we do just when life gets crazy. Instead, if we continually practice self-care every day, every week, every month, every year, then we are more likely to see the “well-watered garden” with the spring that doesn’t dry up that Isaiah was talking about. It’s ironic that by practicing self-care we are better able to care for others. Self-care enables us to be in a much better place to give more of ourselves to those that God places in our care. Self-care enables us to do the work God has called us to better and without burning out and walking away from the calling He has given us.

Part of understanding self-care is knowing that there are different “selves” that make up who we are. We have a spiritual self, a sensory self, an emotional self, a physical self, and a social self. Each of these areas need to be tended and cared for if we are to experience the “well-watered garden” Isaiah wrote about. If we neglect just one area, it will affect all the other “selves.” For example, if we neglect our spiritual self, we may not be “tuned-in” in sense when the Holy Spirit is directing our paths. Emotionally, we may be less empathic to the needs of others. Physically, we may be more tempted into some area of sin because we have not been spending time in prayer and Bible study. Socially, we begin to avoid others out of shame or because we don’t want them to point out that we’ve slipped once again.

Practicing self-care, then, means that we are tending every part of who we are so that we do not neglect the gift and calling God has given us and so we are better prepared to use our gifts and callings to help and minister to the people that God places in our path.

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Cover_m God, Love and Marshmallow Wars: This book contains 365 daily challenges for couples to strengthen their relationships to each other and with God. Couples will complete activities such as Scripture memory, conversation starters, relationship builders, learning about Biblical marriage, romance builders, personal reflections, and date ideas. Click here to purchase your copy. (This link will open a new widow and take you to Westbow Press’ bookstore.) It is also available at Christian Book Distributors, Amazon, and Barnes & Nobel

 

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Looking for a speaker for your next ministry event? Julia is now booking for 2019 and 2020 Christian events for women’s and couples’ ministries for both small and large events.
Book with us now.

Julia is CEO of Wellspring Christian Ministries, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people and couples develop a passionate relationship with God. A public speaker, conference trainer, event planner, and blog writer, Julia is a two-time graduate from Grand Canyon University with a bachelor in Psychology and a masters in Professional Counseling. Saved as a child and raised in church and in a Christian home and private Christian School as a Pastor’s kid, Julia has taught Sunday school, led music, played the piano, served as Children’s Director, and engaged her gifts in many other areas of church life. Previously employed with the Florida Baptist Convention, Julia organized events and led conferences for church ministry assistants.

Julia enjoys sharing her journey as a growing Christian with others looking for a deeper connection with God. Through Bible study and her own life experiences, God has given Julia a passion to help couples understand God’s design for marriage while they learn to place God first in their marriage, cultivate meaningful relationships, build intimacy, and address the tougher issues that come in every marriage so that they can experience a marriage that honors and glorifies God. Julia also loves mentoring, teaching, and working with women to help them learn to live as Godly women.

With her history and experience growing up in both small and large churches, Julia enjoys bringing top level quality events to churches of all sizes. Her father largely pastored small churches and therefore she understands that these vital parts of the believing community need to be good stewards of the resources God provides them with. This knowledge inspires her passion for being available with a fresh perspective for those who want to provide their congregations with meaningful spiritual growth opportunities.

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fill out the online form here.

 

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Or call us at 904.524.8073

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Quotes from the Self Care Blog Series

114 forgive

The quote above is from Part 14 of a blog series by Julia Bruce on Self-Care for people in ministry. Read the blogs here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14.

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Cover_mHave you seen Julie’s new book: God, Love and Marshmallow Wars? This book contains 365 daily challenges for couples to strengthen their relationships to each other and with God. Couples will complete activities such as Scripture memory, conversation starters, relationship builders, learning about Biblical marriage, romance builders, personal reflections, and date ideas. Click here to purchase your copy. (This link will open a new widow and take you to Westbow Press’ bookstore.)

004Looking for a speaker for your next ministry event? Julia is now booking for 2019 and 2020 events. Book with us now.

 

 

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Self Care Part 14: Stress Management for Stress You Can’t Change

by Julia Bruce

part 14 graphic

“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy— meditate on these things.” — Philippians 4:4-8

It would be great if we could simply change things and circumstances every time we feel stress. Unfortunately, that’s not reality. It is not within human capability to change the death of a loved one, a miscarriage, a diagnosis for cancer, or a job layoff. Coping with unchangeable stressors begins in prayer. We must be able to reach a point of surrendering it to God, understand that He will work all things out for our good, and know that He is at work bringing about His best solution, even if we can’t see it. It comes down to one question: Do we have faith that God will work this circumstance out?

Can you imagine the stress that Abraham felt climbing a mountain to sacrifice Isaac, the promised son, in obedience to God? If you recall, God promised Abraham that the Redeemer, the Savior of the world, would come from his lineage. God also promised Abraham that his descendent would become a great nation and outnumber the stars. Yet Abraham and Sarah were past child-bearing years. It was not until Abraham was 100 years old that Isaac was born. Then when Isaac was a teen, God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son to the Lord. Abraham was able to be obedient because he has faith that God knew what He was doing and that God would keep His promise. He couldn’t see how God would work it out, but yet he knew that God would.

Accepting that you can’t change a situation may be difficult, but knowing that God can do anything and choosing to trust Him allows us to release control of the situation and surrender it to Him. We need to be able to recognize when a situation is outside of our control. You cannot control another person’s behavior. You can control how you react to that person’s behavior. Philippians 4:4-8 provides the answer for finding peace in uncontrollable, stressful situations. In these verses, Paul writes, “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” In every circumstance, we are to rejoice in the Lord always. This keeps our focus on God more than on our circumstance. As we focus on God, we can remember that He is always in control of our uncontrollable circumstance.

Challenges and stressors can be opportunity for growth mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Take time to ask God what He’s trying to teach you in the challenge. In the verses above, Paul tells us to let “gentleness be known to all men.” That can be very difficult when someone wrongs us or hurts us. It can be hard to demonstrate gentleness when we are stressed. But Paul also writes that “the Lord is at hand.” He is near to you in every circumstance and He will be there in the stressful ones too.

You can also choose to maintain a positive point of view. Paul wrote: “whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” When faced up against a stressor, look for what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good report, virtue, and praiseworthy.

Another way to reduce stress in uncontrollable situations is to forgive. Anger and bitterness only adds to stress. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” You can free yourself of unnecessary stress by simply choosing to forgive and if God can choose to forgive you, then you can certainly choose to forgive others.

At times, it can be helpful to share what you are going through with a trusted spouse, a ministry partner, or your pastor. They may not be able to do anything to relieve the stressful situation you are in, but they can encourage you, pray for you and be a listening ear. God brings people into our lives for a reason. Because God knew your stressful situation would occur long before it did, He placed people in your life for just this moment, to help you and encourage you. In the Bible, Esther became Queen. When a decree was issued to wipe out the Jews, Mordecai told Esther to talk to the King. The custom of the day was no one could approach the King unless summoned. If one did and the King did not extend his staff to the person, it was automatic death. In Esther 4:13-14, we find Mordecai’s words to Esther: “And Mordecai told them to answer Esther: “Do not think in your heart that you will escape in the king’s palace any more than all the other Jews. For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” The people in your life right now where placed there by God “for such as time as this.”

This blog is part 14 in a series. Be sure to begin with part 1.

Looking for a speaker for your next ministry event? Book with us now.

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Ephesians 4:32

Ephesians 4 32

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11/13/17: World Kindness Day

kindnessToday, November 13, 2017, has been designated as World Kindness Day. Do we really have to set aside a day on the calendar to get people to be kind to one another? God thinks we should be kind to others everday! Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Being kind really isn’t difficult. You simply have to put away selfishness and put others before yourself. It’s letting the person over into your lane in rush hour traffic. It’s holding a door open for the next person coming in as you leave. It’s saying, “Have a nice day.” It’s complimenting someone’s hair, dress, or suit. It’s picking up the tab when you go out with a friend.

Tenderhearted means having a kind, gentle or sentimental nature. 1 Peter 3:8 says, “Now finally, all of you should be like-minded and sympathetic, should love believers, and be compassionate and humble.” Sympathetic, love, compassionate, and humble are good examples of one that is tenderhearted.  Other synonyms for tenderhearted are: charitable, gentle, kind, and merciful. The opposite of tenderhearted would be: atrocious, cruel, self-absorbed, brutal, callous, hateful, heartless, and insensitive. How do others describe you?

Forgiving one another can sometimes be hard, especially when people do things to harm us physically, emotionally or sexually. It’s difficult when someone betrays your trust. Yet, God, in His Word, says we are to forgive one another even as Christ has forgiven us. Forgiving doesn’t mean that what was done to us is okay, it just means we release it and let it go. It means we stop feeling angry and resentful towards the person. When we harbor anger and bitterness, it creates a chronic anxiety that affects our health. According to John Hopkins Medicine, “Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health. Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress.” So how does one forgive when a grievous wrong has been done? It’s more than just saying, “I forgive you.” You must choose to make an active, conscious decision to let go of the anger, bitterness, and resentment…whether the person deserves it or not. One way to do this is to begin praying for the person. There is something about praying for them that helps you release the anger, resentment, and hostility and God replaces those emotions with empathy and compassion. Another way, is to do acts of kindness for this person. When you’re angry with someone it can be hard to think of something kind, so I wanted to share the graphic below that I found at https://www.naturalbeachliving.com/acts-of-kindness/. Kindness doesn’t have to cost you money…it just requires that give of yourself.

How many of the 100 acts of kindness on this graphic can you do today to the people that come across your path? Try at least one for a person you struggle to forgive.

100 acts of kindness